perfect timing

I’ve been deliberately absent from social media for the last couple of months. It’s been good and necessary. There’s a wonderful sense of peace knowing that I can drop in and out as I see fit. However, the last few months have been anything but peaceful. Here’s why…

Recently I spent time renovating a condo and it kicked my ass! Hard. While ripping out floors, painting, hauling junk to the dump, and icing sore muscles, I came face to face with myself. And believe me, it wasn’t all pretty! There were body issues - age and weight gain - that prevented me from doing all the things I wanted/needed to do. Ouch. There’s a great deal of healing that needs to happen here. Deep breath. There were control issues - with my husband, with vendors, with condo HOA rules, with contractors - that had me pulling my hair out or peacefully surrendering. Back and forth. And then there was the clock ticking louder by the day. The deadline was a constant state of stress. Who knew that a renovation was going to be the dark night of my soul?

In between the physical work, I was diving deep into the shadowy parts of myself. I was burrowing down, excavating, exploring, asking questions, while staying curious and patient - mostly. It was difficult and messy but sooooo good and juicy too. I’ve been working hard over here!

As I close the door on 2023 and enter 2024, I want the burrowing down to mean something. I want the excavations to unearth possibilities and opportunities. Change. Growth. Transmutation. It’s about taking the dark, shadowy parts of ourselves and holding them up to the light. We need to see it all and bare witness. That’s where the healing happens. Keeping that shit buried doesn’t work. Ever.

So I’m walking into 2024 with clarity. I have goals, yes, but not resolutions. I know how I want to feel - vibrant, healthy, elevated, whole. When I feel anger, grief, sadness, and fear I will stay put. I won’t run. I won’t numb. And when I fall short of that, and I will, I’ll show myself grace.

That’s my plan. To keep doing the inner work while embracing all of it. All of it! To remember that it’s in the messy middle that we find the magic and the healing. Thank you 2023 for being such a gift. I’m ready to see and FEEL all that 2024 has to offer.